Not All Surprises are Good
The thing about this stage of life is that you are sailing along enjoying yourself and then bam, life knocks you down with a massive wallop. What were you thinking? That the good times last forever? Every GenX knows better. Time and tide become acutely precious when you are facing the finite infinite. The spring and summer of 2023 have been that for me.
At the end of April, my older sister was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. She lived just eight weeks after diagnosis, fighting bravely through wretched, horrible, chemo with pain beyond the pale, passing on June 27, 2023. It was brutal and fast.
I come from a very large family and have brothers as well, but it’s been my sisters that have been there for everything every step of the way for my entire life. We have always been there for each other even during times when we couldn’t stand each other. In good times and bad times, Vicky, Debbie, Peggy, Jo Ann, Becky, Missy (me), and Angie, can be counted on. That’s Joan’s legacy (my mom).
Seven Sisters Strong are now six. The loss is profound.
The poem that I previously posted last month, Carolina Dunes, was about the morning that she passed. I knew it was coming but was not prepared. I honestly thought we’d have more time. But we didn’t. It’s been a summer clouded with grief. And now there is more ahead.
Facing the Fall and Winter
I have news about my own health…
At the end of July, on the heels of losing my sister, I noticed that my breast was uncomfortable when lying down to sleep. I am a side sleeper and at first thought that I was pinching my boob with my arm against my mattress. After a few days of this, I did a breast self-exam and felt a lump between the size of a pea and marble. Since I missed my usual June mammogram, I called to schedule it but was told that they needed a doctor’s order to schedule it. Since my primary care is in the same network and it would take longer to get in to my ob/gyn, I went there. My PC felt the mass too and ordered a digital diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound.
Two weeks ago, I had those tests. It turned out that my right beast is fine but there was a suspicious mass deep in my left breast that couldn’t be felt with a physical examination. They scheduled me for a biopsy that I had last Tuesday and last Thursday I got the diagnosis of invasive ductal carcinoma grade 3.
Between the tests and the biopsy my PC sent me for a lung scan. There was one nodule on my left lung, which is the same side as my breast cancer. The images from that are going in front of a review board tomorrow. I’m also having a breast MRI with contract tomorrow.
I have an appointment with an oncology surgeon in a couple of weeks. By then they should have the full pathology report from the additional samples they sent off and with the results from the other tests to make a plan of action.
It’s a big ball of waiting with anxiety and feeling all over the map about what the fall and winter have in store for me. And also knowing that now my life will be fundamentally different for the rest of my life. I have the most common form of breast cancer and it’s very treatable and survivable. But I’m looking at a rough year.
So now I am at the beginning of my breast cancer journey. I plan on sharing the ups and downs as I go through this here on my blog. Peace, love, and healing out into the universe.
Our Humble Road 
I had to come back a few posts and catch up. I’m so sorry about your sister and then to be faced with your breast cancer diagnosis is so soon after. My mother died in 1987 from brain cancer – also very swift decline from diagnosis – the day before her 65th birthday. I am one of 3 children (daughters) and my older sister turns 65 next Saturday. We’ll all be together for a wedding and celebrating, but also reflecting on my mother and the loss we still feel all these years later.
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I totally get that. I lost my mom in 2018, one of my brothers last year, and my sister this year. It was very hard to tell my siblings about my diagnosis. When we hit the milestones they were at it’s more poignant. Thank you for caring and for sharing too. I appreciate it.
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