Must-Watch Series for Breast Cancer Survivors

Re-visiting The Big C

After I was diagnosed with breast cancer in the summer of 2023 I made a list of documentaries, movies, and series to watch that might give me comfort, insight, and inspiration as I went through the journey, along with all the medical reading that was recommended for my particular diagnosis. It’s in my nature to research, understand, and plan my way out of things myself. But cancer doesn’t work that way.

What I really felt like in the early days was that this was not really happening to me – a disassociation that I could manage my way out of. I even said that to Chris at one point and he replied then why are you getting chemo then in an attempt to bring me into reality. That is when I knew that I was shut down emotionally and decided to stay that way for a while because what was happening was just too much and that I could deal with the emotions of it later. That has been a good modis operandi of mine when necessary – ignore and deflect until something is more manageable so I can focus on the task oriented necessities. I had to learn to trust my medical team, my resilience, and my support people to get me through.

But I find comfort in the grit of things, in the knowing. So I did watch some docs and films. Liam Neeson and Lesley Manville’s 2019 film, Ordinary Love, was a quietly comforting. Rewatching Emma Thomson’s 2001 film, Wit, scared the shit out of me. And 1983’s Terms of Endearment was a cry fest I re-visited solo. The documentaries were better but still gloom from the point of view of being in the hot seat myself. So I shut that shit down. How healthy is it to wallow in the emotional mire when you’re in the middle of a marathon?

I guess my ordinary recovered from trauma laden past prepared me for the stoicism I needed to get through the marathon of my life. Being a GenX prepared me for it. I knew how to shut down and focus on just what needed to be done. So, I did. And I also put a bubble around myself to not have to consider anyone else’s feelings but Chris’s and the small group in that bubble with me. I needed to shield myself from the grief of others about my cancer. So, although I would talk about the symptoms and the plan, I did not talk about feelings.

At the advice of my oncology nurse, I did my best to not consult doctor google or watch movies that were going to emotionally wreck me (with few exceptions). I had thought of re-visiting the 2010 Showtime series The Big C while in the middle of chemo because my stoic resolve was flagging. I remembered the humor was perfection for this former obit writer when I watched it back then. I did not remember everything about the series but remembered it was brilliant. But, I knew that I would not be able to handle it at the time. It was too close to home. Instead, when I needed an emotional release, I suggested that we watch a series we never had – This Is Us, which worked great for relieving constipated emotions. Who can get through an episode of that show without crying? When you’re done laughing, let’s move on.

So, fast forward to this past week and for some reason the The Big C popped back into my head – maybe because this week I had an appointment with a surgeon to discuss my options for reconstruction.

Anyway, I had the brilliant idea that now Chris and I are in a good enough place on the journey to watch the series. A couple of nights ago we finished the binge. And I was right. It would have been too much last year. While I did not remember everything about the series from 15 years ago, I knew that I just couldn’t handle it emotionally last year when I thought about it. And more importantly to me, I knew it would be too much for Chris. I think we both had to shut down those overwhelming feelings as I was going through the brutal reality of chemo and just focusing on the next thing.

The finality of Cathy’s journey wrecked me. It was so much of an emotional dump that I told Chris that we had to watch The Invention of Lying, which he had never seen and I have multiple times – I needed to laugh. I love that movie. Thank you, Ricky Gervais, for the existential tomfoolery. It’s still as funny as the first time I watched it. And, thank you for AfterLife for the glimpse of the grief work of others for Chris and I. We are in the season of losses in our life being middle aged. I lost my brother and he lost his sister in 2022. And I lost my sister in 2023. Loss has a way of unmooring certainty.

Going through The Big C binge brought several pauses for serious discussion and weeping from each of us. And it also put me on edge to not have very much patience with others the past few days – because I have been thinking about what I want in my life and about the people who show up for me aside from Chris. I think maybe we both are in need of therapy beyond support groups.

I related hard to Laura Linney’s Cathy with her need to plan everything. I also made documents for the end of my life with instructions for everything that I could think of in it last year. It felt tangible to me and gave me a sense of agency amid the chaos of my body’s betrayal, even though my diagnosis is Stage 2 not Stage 4. To Chris it felt like I was giving up. I was not. And we had to talk through that. Since his heart attack and strokes in 2019 and 2020, I think he’s been the one that’s been prepared to go first. He had to medically retire and being the breadwinner has been on my shoulders. What drove me was that if I’m going to go first, I want him to be okay.

I could extol how awesome the show was with bringing humor and bringing tears within minutes of each other with specific examples, and how fun all the eccentricities of all the characters are, but I don’t want to give away too much to those who haven’t watched it. The sensitivity and humor were phenomenal. I strongly recommend the series to everyone, not just those of us that have to walk this path.

Shout out to my hospice nurse sister, Angie, who gets a front row seat – I love you more.

Tags:

#OurHumbleRoad

#BreastCancer #BreastCancerAwareness #BreastCancerJourney #BreastCancerSurvivor #BreastCancerWarrior #CancerMovie #CancerSeries #CancerSupport #CancerSurvivor #HealingThroughArt #EmotionalResillience #FindingComfort #GenX #LauraLinney #MentalHealthMatters #OrdinaryLove #Paramount+ #RickyGervais #Showtime #SupportSystem #SurvivorStory #TermsOfEndearment #TheBigC #TheInventionOfLying #ThisIsUs #Wit