One Year… I’m still here

Our scars can destroy us, even after the physical wounds have healed. But if we survive them, they can transform us. They can give us power to endure and strength to fight. The Batman

The subtext of The Batman movie is not dissimilar to the cancer journey. In this case the sadistic killer is cancer. It’s relying on the forged deep relationships (Chris, Angie, Paul, JoAnn, Doro) and the outpouring of support in my quest for vanquishing the culprit that has betrayed and corrupted my body. It is a transformational journey that requires a lot of resilience.

Some powerful tools in my arsenal are… my songs of resilience…

Kurt Cobain, 1967 – 1994

…just meander through the depths of his mastery.

and Kurt’s impish side after is gold.

Nirvana – Something In The Way (Live Version)

Layne Staley, 1967 – 2002

Many of us, even without addiction, have felt in this place at one point or another.

Even with loving support, chemo is a battle faced alone.

Alice In Chains – Nutshell

Chris Cornell, 1964 – 2017

It did feel like I fell on black days as I clawed my way through.

There was much questioning going through it. Would I survive?

Soundgarden – Fell On Black Days

Dolores O’Riordan, 1971 – 2018

…my rock out resistance song

The Cranberries – Zombie

Sinead O’Conner, 1967 – 2023

“Girl you better try to have fun no matter what you do”

As much as I can Sinead.

Sinead O’Conner – Nothing Compares 2 U

Eddie Vedder, 1964 – …still alive

The irony that Eddie is still alive and the others are gone is not lost. I couldn’t call myself a true GenX without some irony.

For my fellow cancer warriors and the father I didn’t know who is all over this song for me. My heart. And for my mom and sister Becky who came to me in my darkest hours, although gone.

Digging in for resilience. Nothing is going to stop me.

Pearl Jam – Alive.

Fear is a tool… and when that light hits the sky… it’s not just a call… to them, it’s a warning. They think I’m hiding in the shadows, but I am the shadows. The Batman

I am not the fear or in the shadow of fear. I am strong and surviving. I am still alive.

I chose to ignore fear and walked right by it. It chased me and caught up sometimes. But I’ve had a rock and a reason to keep fighting. Chris.

Bonus: for my love, Chris, that I travel on this humble road with…

Pearl Jam – Just Breathe
Willie Nelson – Just Breathe

Which version do you think is better?

Thank you, family, friends, and followers for all the love and support this past year for Chris and me. I love you all more than words can express. I’m continuing my treatment and look forward to the day I’m told I have NED (no evidence of disease).

’Riordan O’Conner

2 thoughts on “One Year… I’m still here”

  1. Your strength is your beauty and a gift to those of us around you, Melissa.
    I couldn’t be happier for you and Chris to have found each other at the perfect time of your lives.

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