The Holwadel’s and the Durbin’s – a short bio of John Edward Durbin

John Edward Durbin, born November 4, 1917, died October 28, 2002.

When John was born in 1917, his father, John, was 33 and his mother, Mary Pauline (Daily), was 27. John was the third child of what would become nine children in the family.

In 1920 the family was living in a tenement building at 1040 Eighth Street in Cincinnati. John’s father was a teamster who worked as a contractor and his mother stayed home caring for their oldest four children.

John’s early life was marred by the loss. His sister, fourth born Ruth Anna Durbin, born in 1920, died in 1921. His second born sister, Maria (Mary) Agnes Durbin, died at 8 years old in 1923 when John was six.

By 1930 the family was renting at 816 Carr Street in Cincinnati, Ohio for $16 per month. John’s father was working as a teamster in a lumber yard. The family had grown but with the loss of two sisters there were still four children in the home, 17-year-old Mildred, 13-year-old John, 8-year-old Dorothy, and 6-year-old Florence.

When John was 22 in 1940, the family was renting at 2308 Riverside Drive, Cincinnati, Ohio. His oldest sister Mildred had married George Holwadel and was living as a neighbor in the same building. By this time George and Mildred had three children, Jack, Rose Marie, and Shirley. John’s parents also had more children. In John’s household there were his parents John and Pauline, and younger siblings Dorothy, Florence, Edward, Betty, and Donald. Surviving the depression, John’s father was working for the WPA as a laborer.

With the marriage of George and Mildred, the Holwadel and Durbin families became close. The families probably knew each other for many years prior from living in the same immigrant laden community in lower Price Hill. John’s younger sister, married George’s brother, Elmer Earl Holwadel, in 1940.

After John’s parents’ deaths, his mother in 1943 when John was 25 and his father in 1946 when he was 28, John became the head of the family caring for his younger siblings. By 1950 John was 32 and they were living at 601 Neave Street, Apartment 2, Cincinnati, Ohio. John was working as a mechanic assistant for an oil company. His sister, Betty, was working as a concessionist for a retail candy confectionery stand. His brother Donny was not working. His brother Edward was working as a janitor at an oil company. Edward was married to Elizabeth Francis Super and they were expecting their first child that year.

John’s sister, Betty Jane Durbin, married Daniel Irvin Riggs in 1950. After Daniel’s death in 1974 and their sister Dorothy’s death in 1983, who was married to George Holwadel, Betty married George Holwadel that same year.

With John’s family knowing the Holwadel family since probably since the 1930s or before, it’s not a surprise that George’s older sister Edith arranged a marriage between her daughter and John that occurred in 1953. Some of the details are sketchy in the family lore. After Edith’s divorce from Kenneth Mounce, she was a single parent working in a factory. Edith dated a man named Harry Gardner, who it turned out to be pedophile that targeted a single mother to get to her child. He groomed Edith’s daughter Joan and molested her at twelve years old, fathering two children. There was a great deal of shame and blame thrown on Joan for what happened to her, but I would argue that the shame should have been on the failure of the adults around her to protect her from a monster. In my grandmother’s defense, she did have him arrested but he was released. My grandmother sent my mother to stay in Tennessee with her paternal aunt and when she came back the arranged marriage took place. These events sent my mother on a tragic trajectory of being taken advantage of throughout her life. Joan became a scapegoat and a black sheep in the family. The stigma that was placed on her was also passed on to her children in many circumstances. So, what happened to her became an open family secret over the decades. Everyone older in the family knew but nobody talked about it except Joan to her children.

As good of a person that I have always thought John to be, it has always set uneasy with me that he married Edith, my grandmother, in 1968 in the same month that I was born because he had been married to my mother. John was 35 years old when he married fifteen-year-old Joan. He was 51 when he married Edith in 1968. They remained married to Edith until her passing on August 3, 1989. Starting in the late 1970s, Edith would call me to tell me what a bad person Joan was and whatever she was mad at her for at the time. I see it as a weird jealousy that existed between them and think John was a part in fueling that. As a kid, this was upsetting to me. Despite the history, my mother had them at every family event and holiday. In the end all that Joan wanted was to be loved and accepted by her mother.

My older brother, John, had a very close relationship with John and was a good son to him. My brother has his own experience and stories that are his to share or not share.

As for me, John was my grandpa. As a child in the 1970s I would sometimes have visits with my grandmother and John, who I called Grandpa John. I remember outings to Burger Chef on Glenway Avenue and trips to K-Mart that would last for hours. They both came to every school event that I had, never missing an event. Sometimes they would babysit my younger sister and me. He remained my main grandparent relationship for the rest of his life after my grandmother’s passing. Family dinners. Family parties. Easters. Christmas’s. Cincinnati Reds games. In his last years I would look in on him, take him meals, and on outings (the Reds mostly). When I noticed his decline and his refusal to accept help from me I called my mom, Joan, for help. In the end, it was Joan, scapegoated Joan, who cared for him when he was dying from brain cancer.

I think I was the only practicing Catholic when John was thinking about his funeral. Looking back, I think he knew that his time was limited from his doctors, and he had not told anyone. While he was at my home one day for dinner, he asked me to borrow a catechism book that I had on the shelf. He entrusted me with planning his funeral. After he chose the readings and other details, leaving notes for me in the book, he returned it to me. I felt lost by the task but was grateful for the grief committee at St. Lawrence Church who guided me through it when the time came.

John is buried next to Edith in Old St. Joseph Cemetery.