When Others Make You Feel Not Good Enough

We’ve all had those moments – sometimes fleeting, other times painfully persistent – when someone’s words or actions make us doubt our own value. It can come from a seemingly innocuous comment, a comparison to someone else, or an outright criticism. Suddenly, it leaves you questioning if you measure up, if you’re worthy, if you are enough. It’s a familiar script that brings back all the self doubting voices.

It’s the rejection for something that doesn’t even have anything to do with me – events that happened before I was born – is what hurts the most. I know that I just have to let it go. It’s the painful reminder of a life that no longer exists – former fun uniting things, happy memories now with a dank cast. It’s the loss of the living – of family connection. It’s a nephew that said to me parroting obvious parental discussion through his neuro-divergent lens that he did not know me except through Facebook and that is not really not knowing someone. I reminded him that I knew him as a baby and even babysat him. He didn’t care. He was not interested in knowing me to my face. He drew a satisfied expression as if recalling a previous conversation and walked away. He was abrupt and rude, as he was taught. It’s the rudeness of a SIL’s family at a church festival. It’s being made fun of by them but them not being able to take it in return. It’s the echo of behind the back disparaging. It’s an it is what it is text. Yet I still extended the olive branch of support because he’s in a health crisis and he is my brother. This is a difficult test.

There will come a day, maybe soon, maybe years from now, that I will probably be standing at his funeral with my younger sister. We will both not be grieving his loss because that happened long ago, with minor peeks for me over the years, but we will be mourning the loss of what could have been – of knowing his life and him knowing ours. It’s the loss of familial connection that we already have. And the sad thing is that he doesn’t seem to care. He’s not interested in the people we are.

Social media amplifies this effect tremendously. Scrolling through perfectly curated feeds, it’s easy to believe that everyone else has it all together when you’re struggling. Comparisons can make you feel like you’ll never measure up, even though those online images rarely reflect reality.

A careless comment can echo for a day, weeks, or even years. When I was younger when older siblings or peers would say something I found hurtful, my mom would say don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. But I’m over here still wearing my heart on my sleeve. Words that people say may be trivial to the speaker, but they can land heavily, making us question our choices, our personality, our very identity.

I’ve tried to take to heart that if people make you feel not good enough, it’s important to remember that their words and actions say more about them than about you. Often, insecurities, jealousy, or thoughtlessness drive people to make others feel small. I am not defined by someone else’s opinion or behavior. But it still hurts when people you love, trust, and admire hurt you like this.

It’s a lifetime journey to build self-worth and shake off the voices that tell us otherwise. You are enough just the way you are. People may try to make you feel less, but your value is not for them to decide. Be gentle with yourself, and keep moving forward with courage and hope. This is what I try to keep in my brain.

It would be so much easier not to care, if only I could.

#SelfAcceptance #AcceptYourself #AuthenticSelf #PerfectlyImperfect #SelfRespect #InnerPeace #SupportEachOther #YouAreNotAlone #KindnessMatters #InnerStrength