I need to vent… This kid is really not all right. I’m a week out from surgery. It’s been a rough week.
It feels awful when people are dismissive about the seriousness of breast cancer in general. Also, for me, the pathology from surgery isn’t even in yet, so we don’t know how much it grew between biopsy and surgery, post-surgical staging, if there were clean margins, and if I will need chemo in addition to radiation and hormone therapy.
While most, if not all, people are well meaning when they say things like, “they’ve come so far with treatment” or “you’ll be fine” or “they caught it early” or something similar, it bothers me because there is a lot we don’t know and it’s not like a cold that I’ll get over once it’s treated and I can move on like business as usual.
I now have to adapt for the rest of my life. I have to change how and what I eat. I have to severely limit or omit alcohol intake and wonder if I toast to someone’s happiness with the sugar in alcohol feed a tumor. I have to increase my physical activity, which isn’t easy when you’re anxious and depressed about your cancer. I have to be aware for the rest of my life that the cancer can come back in another place in my body at any time. I have to face that doing hormone therapy increases my risk of uterine and ovarian cancer, which is rampant on my paternal side.
What I want others to know…
- I am allowed to reflect.
- I am allowed to be scared.
- I am allowed to worry.
- I am allowed to think about how this will affect so many aspects of my future.
- And I am also still me with hopes and dreams.
I am trying not letting my diagnosis consume me or rule my life, but please just acknowledge my feelings. I just wish people were more conscientious about what they say to someone who has breast cancer, because it is scary, and while it may not take my life, it has and will change it forever.
Maybe I’m just feeling a bit sensitive and surly from lack of quality sleep and pain post-surgery. If you’ve read this far, thanks for the support.
Our Humble Road 
I don’t think you’re being too sensitive. I think many people have been shielded from difficult situations through their life and don’t know how to handle them so they think being positive is just they way to go. I hope you find or have people you can share your fears with without feeling you have to worry about their feelings!
I hope you’re surgery went well and I hope you get results that help you to breath a little easier. Cancer is a scary unknown regardless of how much we know or how many people we know that have had it and make out fine.
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